Wealth is far from always entering the circle of family values. As the beliefs received in childhood affect our welfare? A family psychologist thinks about this in his column.

My father’s great -grandfather was rich, he was engaged in medicine and he had his own pharmacy. And he finished his life in a communal apartment, where people, whom he had seen only from afar, became his neighbors. I did not know my grandfather, he died in 1946 from hunger. About his wife, my grandmother, the neighbors said that she was walking “like a queen” – I was then a little girl and did not understand what this means. There are people who can go with a straight back along the dark corridors of the communal apartment. They retain royal posture, regardless of whether they have money, whether there is. And there are those who behave like a beggar, even rich. Perhaps the case is in childhood, and the one who grew up in an environment of the extreme need will forever keep its imprint.

We are affected by family beliefs

The beliefs received about money in childhood manage our life. It is difficult not to notice that someone reciprocates, but they do not like someone, bypass or flow between the fingers. To solve what the secret is, let’s start with a simple. Recall what our educators said about money, what were the sayings in the family. For example:

• We never borrow,
• We do not give loan – let them earn ourselves, you won’t get gratitude,
• We are poor, but honest and proud (unlike the rich, because “you can’t borrow the righteous work by the chorus of stone”),
• Money loves an account,
• There should always be a reserve for a rainy day.

Frank the love of money indecent. In any case, so in our culture. And if I decided to admit, then almost always with excuses and clarifications in the spirit “Happiness is not in money”. Certainly,

• Money is just an opportunity not to think about them,
• Money – recognition of our competence,
• Money – aesthetic and cultural capabilities,
• Money – status, health, worthy communication, secured old age.

And much more. That’s right. But more money is just money. The consciousness that they belong to you, completely regardless of all these reasons, warm the soul, straightens the back, liberates in any situation, raises in his own eyes. It’s better to admit it if you want changes.

The attitude to money is changing

When

the Soviet government was staggered, sayings like “if you are so smart, why you are so poor”-these were the first swallows of major socio-political changes. The generation of those years has received a clear Message, which from now on an assessment of the significance of their life and even the inner world will be money. “These are such cruel and cynical times”.

Or maybe we always loved money, but we were afraid to admit, and the money loves to reciprocate those who are used to respecting it, and not be given to the first meeting.

Of course, before wealth, a set was considered: a fur hat, carpet, crystal, receiver “Grundik” and a familiar butcher. But the feeling of status, confidence from this was no less than now from large business, and the loss of status was difficult, seemed the height of injustice.

When places on the social ladder crossed from dental technicians, trade union workers, candidates of sciences and sellers to managers and businessmen – it was a shock. Still not experienced. It’s not about the amount of money, the case is the loss of status and even the person. And most importantly, in the loss of landmarks. Other personal qualities were required, the whole past has depreciated and collapsed. Not about spiritual values now – the rules of the game have changed. But how many talk about the loss of spirituality were there!

I had a friend who, passing by expensive shops and restaurants, loved to repeat that all this was available to him. He was mistaken, life was so short that he did not have time to buy anything, but probably managed to enjoy the consciousness of opportunities. This sad story happened in the early 90s, after universal Russian equality in poverty.

Women and money

Russian women prefer to score cabinets with cheap things (often with sparkles and not by age) and bypass the boutiques, economists have repeatedly reported this. The crisis did not change their thirst for cheap purchases, but reduced the demand for prolonged goods. This is a compensatory reaction that reaches shopingomania. At the same time, it is difficult for many to afford to go to an expensive restaurant or expensive store. The question of the seller or the waiter “How can I help?”Still drives them into the paint.

Once at the training, my colleague and I asked the participants to imagine an expensive store, in their hands gifted money in any quantity. Task – buy everything I want as a gift.

Our participants walked for a long time on the “trade rows” and eventually bought flowers or small things. So the widespread opinion about the mercantile of women was not confirmed. They appreciate the invitation to a restaurant and flowers than expensive practical gifts.

They want to afford to be superfluous. It is much more difficult to do without unnecessary than without a daily routine, necessary.